This was one event that I just couldn't miss. Bern was blessed with awesomely good weather, the sun was
shinning bright and the sky was brilliantly blue.
The festival was spread over four days and hosted the best line-up. Gentleman, Prodigy, The Chemical Brothers
and Texas headlined the festival from Thursday till Sunday respectively. Sadly, I was only able to attend the
last three days of the festival and had to give great bands like The Hives, Sum 41 and Brand New Heavies a
miss.
DAY TWO
Since the festival was held on the plateau summit of the Gurten, while many prefered to queue for hours and
wait for the tram which could have transported them to the festival ground in 10 mins. I was truly amazed
that some punters, braving heat exhaustion, scaled the 864 meters hill by foot. Such is determination!
The security for the event was on high alert and all bags were thoroughly checked and Michael Snow, who was
kind enough to accompany me, had his beers confiscated. Poor bugger!!!
As we walked through the festival gate, Michael was on seventh heaven. The amount of nubile sweet young things
was wicked. All the girlies were dressed skimpily and proudly paraded their hot tanned skin.
Editor's note to Michael: Behave and Improve!!!
Patrice was performing on stage and even though the temperature was about 31°C, over 2000 strong fans were
dancing frantically to the beats of dancehall and reggae. Since most of Patrice tunes were in German, Michael
and I decided to check out Dizzee Rascal over at the East stage.
Michael, who happens to be a Londoner himself, instantly recognized Dizzee's east "Landan" accent
and even though he had no clue who the hell Dizzie Rascal was and not being into the Hip Hop's scheme of
things, he was jumping like a constipated Gimp on steriods when Dizzee started to spit on the mic to the his
hit single "Jus' a Rascal!" and just like Mike, everyone in the East stage tent was jumping as well.
After all the jumping and hand waving, Michael and I decided to move on and explore the rest of the festival
ground especially the dance tents. Situated right after the East stage was the Parisienne Block "Rock The
Block" dance tent. The "housing-flat" tent had the most interesting line up. Not only did it host
international DJs, such as, Richard Dorfmeister, Malente, Henry Storch and JStar, but also Swiss favourites,
such as, Muri, SmashFX, Bam Biz-Ay, Mastra, White Moon, Smat, Sassy and a newcomer with a very interesting
dj moniker, Beach Bunny. I wonder how long it took him to think up such a name?
Just a stone throw away from Parisienne Block, with its hip "all red" theme, was the Barcardi Dome. Nicknamed
"The Lovezone", it was the biggest and longest-serving dance tent at the Gurten Festival.
Sadly we could not continue futher with our exploration of Planet Gurten as the concert area in front of the
Main stage started to get filled up by Mondo Diao's fans and as a Photo Journalist, I was required to present
myself at the assembly area 10 mins before showtime.
Mondo Diao came on stage purposefully and wasted no time in getting the crowd into a state of frenzy. The hard
rock sound went down really well and the sound of screaming girls got louder and louder as Mondo Diao finished
their first song and proceeded into their second assualt. After Mondo Diao's third song when all the
journalists were ushered out, I suggested that it was time for us to create a "Mosh Pit". We squeezed
ourselves right into the middle of the concert area and all that was needed was a slight bump and the moshing
began.
Time really flies when you're having fun and just as we thought it had just begun, Mondo Diao's 1½ hour
showcase was over. Since I have no idea who Beatsteaks were, Michael and I decided to continue with our
exploration on Planet Gurten. We continued from where we had left off from Bacardi Dome. When we got there,
DJ Miss Lilly was playing music from the Disco era. It was really a pity, despite of her good looks (she is
a brunette with freckles, just how I like it.), all she did was to press the "Play" button and cueing in
one song after another rather than mixing it in but if the crowd loved it, then she must have been doing
something right.
In between the Barcardi Dome and "M Lounge" by Migros, there were at least 6 other small booths, such as a
booth for the WWF, a mobile radio station from Radio BE1, a very green bar from Heineken, My Coke Music Place
and Skal's "Chill Out" zone. An important piece of information that we found out was that, the beer from
the Heineken Experience Bar was cheaper than the neighbouring bars and instantly it became our favourite beer
filling station and I swear that the ultra cute barmaid had nothing to do with it.
If you wanted to have a superb view of Planet Gurten, you could have always got onboard a helicopter or you
could have climbed the flights of stairs in Mirgos's "M Lounge" but if you had a bank account with the Swiss
Post, then comfort didn't get any better than what was being offered in the PostFinance lounge. Seats with
plush cushioning and a cool beer within 10 steps, made the PostFinance Lounge my second favourite place
on Planet Gurten and all the pictures that overlooked Planet Gurten were taken from here.
Editor's note: Didn't the beer in the PostFinance Lounge cost the same as in the Heineken Experience Bar?
Time check!
8:00pm, both Michael's and my stomach started to growl. Apart from having an interesting line-up, credit
must be given to the organizers for the a wide variety of food available to the fill the Gurtenaut's hungry
bellies. From Pizza to Pappadam, from Salad to Seafood Fried Rice, there was basically everything for every
single tatsebud. Michael and I opted for Pizza and Fish & Chips respectively. Our food was served fast and
we were required to pay a 2 CHF.- deposit for each plate and cutlery and 50Rp for our Pet-bottled drink. All
deposits could be claimed back upon returning the utensils and cutleries and empty pet-bottles. A few
young entrepreneurs were seen collecting pet-bottles that had been left behind by the people who couldn't be
bothered to keep the festival grounds clean. These entrepeneurs deserved all the money that they earned and
to the people who couldn't be borthered, "Shame On You!!!"
After dinner and we decided to enjoy the evening by chilling out on a elevated knoll which overlooked the
Main stage and listened to a Brit-band called Athlete. If you don't know who they are, don't worry you are not the
only one. Both, Michael and I still haven't got a slightest clue who the hell they are. In all honestly
and in our impartial opinion, Athlete was boring. "Guys, the sing-along stunt was SHITE!". Asking the
audience to sing the chorus for the fifth time was a little too much and then wanting to repeat it all again
was unbearable. So out of boredom, Michael and I decided to hit Bacardi Dome again and check out the meat
market. This is where things went definitely pear-shaped for us and it all went a bit Pete Tong. I shall not
go into details except for the fact that Michael and I completely lost the plot and it is caused by the evil
green Fey who goes by the name of Absinthe. Due to our state of inebriation, we had to excuse ourselves at
10:00pm and had to give The Prodigy a miss. Although the delightful Fey did give us our own smacking,
breathing, fire starting euphoria.
We learnt our lesson that night and the moral of our story is:
Don't mess with Fairies especially the greenish ones.
and our adventure on Planet Gurten continues
